Just felt like it

Felt like blogging thus this random post out of no where =) Lesson of the day, know where you stand at. This phrase applies in both ways. Almost tripped this morning in school cause was not looking at where I was walking on. Clumsy me, as usual. Yeah, I know, who am I right. We just friends. I have no rights to stop you right. But come on, if I don't get jealous from this, I truly am stupid. Yes, I do go out with girls, but you don't see me going out with girls, alone, watching late movies and driving alone with her. Nevermind.....like I said, know where I stand right

Sacrifices

Why you can sacrifice your game when you are out with them and not sacrifice your game when you are going out with me? Hey, come on. I know you longer and better than them. What am I to you? Just a tool for you to use me? To drive you around when you need to go somewhere and accompany you when you are lonely? Is that how you see me? If that is how you see me, I guess our friendship really is nothing. This just makes me lose hope on humanity.

Not Really a Great Day

Today, is not a great day at all. It all started with me not wearing formal to church. Its like WTF? I am carrying the offertory but me no wear formal. Then, made some mistakes in AV. An avoidable mistake if only I checked it. If only I confirmed my doubt about that. Grrrrrrrrr.....I so the suck as AV member.

Then came class. It went on as usual. Just that this time I is had to run around the church finding for people to get some stuff. Went back to class only when it almost end. Some what, I like that class for it reminds me of my good times. Missing those times though right now.

Then went for Frisbee. Mr Greg stepped on my toe and it still hurts till now. Hurts like nobody's business I tell you. Went for Starbucks with Russell, Varna, Ashmeer and Afiq after that. Had a good laugh and a good drink there. Accidentally took a wrong drink though.

Came back home and chat with someone. Thought this person would be different. Thought this person would try to continue the conversation. But I guess I am wrong. Maybe I am just too easy with trusting people. Maybe I really should just shut my heart out from everyone and everything just like how I used to.

Better stop my emo rant here. Though this is the only place I have to vent out my emo-ness

Way of The Cross

So today started with the youths cutting palms for Palm Sunday. Its as usual, always fun filled when spending time with the youths no matter who and under what condition. It was supposed to start at 9 but you know, Malaysian timing la peeps. Ended pretty late la, 1 plus nearing 2. And me being a gastric patient smartly take my first meal of the day at 2. Gastric almost killed me. Came back home and slept like a little pig, or maybe a huge pig.

Then went to church at 6.30 cause I was supposed to carry the cross for the procession from the hall to the church. It hurts. That's all I could say bout carrying the cross. While walking from the hall to the church, I sort of understand how Jesus felt. With the eyes of many looking at him and mocking at him, I felt the same way as well. I mean, they do not mock me and stuff. But it feels kind of embarrassing cause I am sure they would be thinking what the heck am I doing holding the gigantic cross? Trying to be Jesus here? Stuff like that. Hahaha.

But, what I wanted to say is. Now I understand the hardship that Jesus has to undergo just to die for us. I mean, die for us wei. He has to go through all this pain just to die for us. Get what I am trying to say here? Yes, I know that my little 'way of the cross' was not exactly like Jesus' , but its almost there.

Enemies? Friends? Oh well

Somehow, I came across this phrase a lot of times this week. It goes something like this, 'Be careful of not your enemies in front of you, but friends who hugs you and talks behind your back'.

Have to agree with this, I mean yes I know I do have a few enemies here and there for some what not lame excuse. But, I also do now know that I have a few friends who hug me and yet still talk bad bout me at my back. I honestly did not figure out its him and that he would do that to me though. But its alright, I understand. Maybe I am just not good enough or cool enough to be your friends. Its ok, I will move on. Don't have to miss me ok.

Yes, its true I have lost a few friends here and there. But look at the bright side, I now know who are my real friends. Or so I think at least for now. Hahahaha. So long for now, byebye~

Of Manga and Prawns

So I was reading this particular manga and a few scenes actually touched me. And I cried. Yes I know I cry easily, but this only the second manga that actually made my cry. Maybe because I can relate with this manga pretty well, thus the tears dropping like waterfall. There was this part where the hero's friends were all there for him. They pretty much stayed together strong as friends no matter what happened. They never actually leave out anyone in any of their plans. That was what that actually touched me though. I mean I haven't found any friends like that just yet. So I got no idea what it would feel like to have friends like that.

Then I was eating prawns. Its rare for me to eat them unless they are peeled. I am partially lazy and also allergic to the shell. It just suddenly reminded me of when Compassion Walk. Had seafood after everything as dinner with the LnL gangs. I mean that time was the time when I was so down and low, even lower than the ground, they were there for me to talk with me and cheer me up. So I guess the phrase 'You win some, you lose some' do apply here, ey?

Alright, I am off to do the dishes now. So long

Oh what a beautiful Sunday

Today, like all the other Sundays, I is has to go to Church early in the morning. Yada yada yada, went back home and had lunch!! Mom prepared groundnuts soup! Oh yeah!!!! Had a power nap, or so it should be. Went out for shoe hunting and reached for frisbee late by 40 minutes. Yes, I know I'm slow. Not my fault alright, I is gots a weird shoe size ok><

And now I am all worn out from frisbee. Hahahaha. Got scolded for driving the car out for frisbee. Aduiiiii, you don't like it means tell me earlier lo

Twin Towers @live 2012

Went to KLCC with Greg and Arvina yesterday to watch Greg's fav SNSD. Reached there at bout 2 plus nearing 3 and went around scouting for lunch. In the end we ate pizza together with Fanny as well, cause she did not want to lunch alone. After that we started to line up at bout 5 to get in the place. It was so crowded that you don have to move when there is a space, the people at the back would push you. So you could say you are actually crowd surfing when you are there. XD

6 came and they started to open up the entrance for the ones with the ticket. Everyone waited patiently for the free entrance to open and it did not happen. At 7 nearing 8, everyone just reached their limit. They pushed the barricade away and started rushing in. We crowd surfed again. Reached a point and its even worse than earlier. Everyone is pushing cause they are eager to get to the stage. Greg and me put up a little act and we got ourselves a very good seat.

All in all, everything was enjoyable excluding being felt up. It feels awkward though. Oh, and the waiting. It was killing! Its basically a warfield that time.

Just another day

So you mean I am not allowed to be angry at you for more than a day but you are? What logic is behind this hypocrisy? Yes I know I should not have done that yesterday, but you left me with no choice alright. You wanna treat me like that, go ahead la. I cant change a single thing bout how you wanna look at me now. I'm not gonna care anymore

What I feel

Just got my SPM results and its not worth mentioning. Supposed to go out with my friends but mom don't let. Always wondered if she ever actually considered my feelings before. Its as though as I am programmed to listening to all that she says and all that she wants me to do. Am always forced to do whatever she wants me to do and not allowed to go out with my friends. Like what????

Like it or not....

Whether I like it or not, results coming out tomorrow. Approximately 13 more hours to go till I get my results. My future lies in that more-often-than-not-looked-down paper. I am scared of my own results cause I know I did not do that well for it during the examination. I know myself a little too well to confidently say that I will cry if I do not get the results I want. Not sure if its just a few tears rolling down the cheeks or a waterfall to wet even my own t-shirt and not to mention pants.

Still remember when I took my UPSR results. Did not even know that day is results day. Reached school only to find a bunch of my friends crowding the school office. Asked them and then I know its results day. Got the wanted result and I was on cloud nine!! As for PMR, had a nice chat with Nat the night before results. Got the wanted result as well. Hahahahaha. Lets just hope I can get the wanted result as well><

Not sure if I am more nervous or more emo right now. Called up a friend only to suddenly find out that he uses me. Did not expect this from him though. Seriously am disappointed with his actions. I guess that is why I am having trust issues ever since I was young. I guess I just trusted the wrong person this time.

Oh well, who cares. This blog is pretty dead anyways. Not sure if there is anyone reading it also. Whether I like it or not, I am ignored

Me Me!!

Today was kinda fun!! Went to church and saw the NS students coming back. Oh how they have grown ='). Somehow, something is telling me that the 10 minutes that I made my students wait was worth it. Got to catch back with em and also not to mention exchange hugs. Went to class with everyone waiting for me>< Sorryyyyyyyyy. And Juan shared her story. was nice listening to it. Class was pretty enjoyable today though.

Class ended and everyone cabut!!! Saw Arvina and Laurina by the church office side and got to catch up with them again. Though I missed the breakfast with them, at least I know that they had fun. That's more than enough =). After that went back home and ate lunch. Yong tau foo was awesome!! And then I hit the sack. XD

Woke up to go to Frisbee in my school and had a lot a lot of fun. Not to mention am tired like crazy due from the running. OMG!! Talking bout running, I think I ran the most in my entire life today. Feet all sore now and injured my left wrist. No biggies, just a minor scratch and it hurts cause I sorta landed on it.

But what hurts me the most aren't all these injuries I got physically. Not from all the running. The pain is actually coming deep down inside. You know how it sucks when your friends are clearly planning something on the Facebook and you are not invited? Well, this sucks even more. They planned stuff right in front of my face. No seriously, I was only less than a metre away from them. And I am not invited. They know I am not invited and they did nothing. Its alright to miss the breakfast, and now this as well?

What have I done to actually deserve this? If I have done any wrong, please do tell me. I would correct myself. Stop avoiding me man. I'm tired and bored of all these bullcrap. I think if I got a bad result this Wednesday, I would seriously cry. Seriously cant take all this anymore.

Ok la, better go before I continue to babble all about my life from the time I came into this world. Byebye

p.s. it feels good to actually ride the motorcycle dangerously though
p.s.s. I just did that and it feels relaxing

Got me thinking...hmmmmmm

So today started like any other ordinary day. Woke up to see mom in the kitchen preparing for lunch and all. And after that, mom invited me to Jusco with her and I got to drive this time. XD. Saw Phoon and Wayne working there. Said hi and all. Wanna work but got no idea. Wish I could find a work only on weekdays cause I wanna go out on weekends.

Anyways, what I wanted to say is that. Maybe I really don't fit in with majority of my friends. I mean, come on. They hang out with everyone and anyone but me. They are wayyyyyyyy smarter than I am. And more.

No idea what I actually wanna say that. Just felt like writing something on here...hahahaha

Is it that hard?

Feeling kinda emo now. Yes, I am an emo kid. Yes, I am born sensitive and I cry for almost every single thing that happens. So what? That does not make me any criminal or bad person right? Yes I know I sulk easily and stuff, but that does not mean you have to isolate me and just make me feel so lonely, no?

I'm always the one who is not invited to anything and yet all I can do is just comfort myself saying 'next time'. But deep down in me, I know it won't and will never happen. I got no idea what I am trying to say or type here....but yeah. Is it that hard that you all initiate the conversation sometimes? To call me out or something?

Enough of random babble here...better go. byeeeeeeee

Last Week

Oh hello!! Not gonna nag and babble that much but all that I wanna say is my last week was awesome!! Spent my Friday with Angel, Eva, Dianne and a few more. Walked round KL with Daniel cause we had to find for markers. Then spent my Saturday with Rina, Amanda, Fanny, Ah Chong, Shaun, Charles, Ness, Angel, Eva, Dianne, Patrick, Vimal and alooooottt more!! Walked round Klang doing good and talking to random strangers. Very very different from what I would normally and usually do - being the shy me, it would take almost forever to get me talking to random strangers.

That's all form my update this time. Till then, take care^^

Decision time

Alright, I have made my decision this time and I am not gonna change it anymore. I will stick to it and obey it. So what if that is gonna hurt me and kill me inside out? I'm lying if I were to say that I don't care and I don't mind cause I really do care and mind bout it. So yeah...its gonna be a painful one, but you left me with no choice than this

Nostalgia....in a bad way

After being in a blog hiatus for such a long time, I am back!! But, with a sad story. I'm gonna be unique! XD.

Anyways, what that happened after my SPM was that I totally lost contact with all my school mates. No idea what happened or whose fault was it. Or maybe its just my own fault for not taking the initiatives to talk to them.

Honestly, I still truly treasure every part of our friendship especially with a certain someone. Known him the longest, but now....I feel that he is the furthest away from me. Yes I may be a little baby for sulking when he goes out to anywhere without even inviting me, but shouldn't he ask? I mean we have known each other for the 12th year already now and this is how he is treating me?

Not only did he not invite me or anything, but he also sort of abandoned me last year just for a girl? Hey come on, I did not leave you alone when I was with my girlfriend right? In fact the girl was the one whose being left out, not you alright.

Anyways, what that made me to think back bout what that had happened in the past was Frisbee. Met him there and we talked. Yes, just like last time but I just don't feel the warmth from him anymore. Its as though as he is talking to me for the sake of replying what I asked him and stuff. The conversation felt cold for me at least. Not sure if he is feeling that as well.

Nowadays, chat with random people...randomly click on whose online and just start chatting with em. Not really fixed, just trying to find the old me back. I know I am stupid for not letting go of the past and just move on, but its hard. Not like I did not try, in fact I tried a little too hard to let go of the past and just move forward. I guess that is the reason why am I so undecided nowadays and just like to be with myself most the time. Just do not get the secured feelings anymore like last time even though I am with my friends. Just wish someone could help me, but I know that the problem is within me. So I just have to try harder I guess?

All that I need of is assurance and security right now. But it is just hard to get those. Assurance that everything is fine and that my friends would be there for me all the time and that they would not neglect me. That I feel secured every time I am with them and talking to them. But....