Under the radar

On Wednesday, my car got hit, I felt terrible and I really wanted to talk to somebody. Thinking that what you said on Wednesday morning, maybe I could just talk to you about it and be slightly cheered up with it. But I was wrong, you were out and your friend answered and was rude with me. And you were treating me differently with your friends. You were treating me coldly and then with on text, it was clear its 2 completely different person. And with you promising me to go out on Thursday earlier, and only to be broken. I thought you just wanted to rest and stuff but I was wrong again. You went out with your friends, and was invited after I asked. I felt that it was not fair and that your signals are confusing. I felt furious. And when confronted on Thursday, you were giving me terrible excuses. When I poured my heart out, I saw that you were crying. And you left quickly. How can I contain and hold myself when I see you crying? I just had to figure out what was wrong. I know I did it the wrong way, I pulled you and pushed you into my car. And I accidentally hit you, I am terribly sorry with that.

I really wanted to talk to you, but you were always with you yourself. What about me? Have you thought of my feelings? Breaking up with me at like 3 am before my finals? Have you maybe thought of how you were saying we are friends and that you promised me to not ignore me, but what happened? What about the talk on Wednesday morning? What about the sharing of your assignments with me? You are being evil, leading me on with mixed and confusing signals. Have you ever thought about how that would make me feel? And the fact that even Smoothy got replaced in the blink of an eye? Have you tried considering my feelings? Or even just trying to understand my feelings?

Its ok now, I have said I will give you your time. Time to do whatever you want to do. I will try my level best to not find you for sometime. I will try to be under the radar. I hope, I can have all the answers to all my questions. Then maybe, it would not have been so hard.

Clock strikes 12

I remember, we used to talk on the phone every night. Random chit chats talking about everything, be it they make sense or not. We used to laugh all the time, even when you are angry at me, I make you laugh again. Even when we used to argue, I always try to settle everything in that night and make you smile back. Sometimes, we were so deep into our conversation, I do not hear the clock striking 12.

Today, we barely talk. Not even on text or personal message. Its funny how I was somebody to you, and in just a matter of days, I became nobody. Not sure if it was days or hours, or something longer or shorter. No matter how hard I tried, it still is hard to let go. I wanna hear you laugh again, see you smile once more. I miss the times we were together. I miss the smiling you. I miss listening to you laughing. I miss everything about us. And most of all, I miss you. I know time has past and it cannot be turned back, but how I always wished I can just go back to the past, and just slap myself and reminding myself not to do stupid things I did.

Today, its hard to even just meet you. To hug you, or hold you. I barely get replies from you and I have to try very hard to just get a reply from you. Always am rejected from you, from going out with you or even just talking to you; on the phone or text. I have to beg you, and pray hard you had a good day. It hurts me all the more when the clock strikes 12 now.