Welcoming in the new year

A year has passed. There was definitely a lot of bittersweet experience and if given a chance to go through it again the exact same way, I would kindly decline that offer. I mean, who would want to put themselves through chicken pox for 2 times? Not me definitely.

All jokes aside, 2015 was definitely a humbling and a learning year for me. It had taught me so much. I have learnt to control my temper especially with my mom. We had a talk as well. A long one. And I hope this helped to iron out our issues.

To say I am any different from the previous year, I think I am still the same. But to say that I have learnt nothing and not grow, now that is a lie. Definitely have grown a little. But how much have I grown? Well that is for you guys to tell me. I think...

Well, to close this short one off, 2015 good bye and, 2016, come what may, I am ready.

Quick Breather

Finally some quiet and free time for myself. But, finals are in 2 weeks time. And my paper has to end just 2 days before Christmas. There goes my last paper. Hahaha. Assignments are getting to my head and I will have the toughest weekend to come. 2 days Frisbee Hat and followed by a crazy long assignment to audit. And also a skype call session for French practice. I am so not gonna sleep on Sunday night.

Other than all these academic stuff, been doing quite well myself. Frisbee has been great. I guess I still need more time and practices as I still have a lot of room for improvements. Need to understand them plays more and definitely need to increase my stamina. And also am considering seriously to invest in a pair of gloves to increase grip. Discs been slipping out like mad from my hands. Especially high discs. And am in need of a new water tumbler. Thought of getting those Coleman ones that everyone are using. Cause it can double up as a small stool. LOL! Not sure which to get first, cause my bottle is a goner already.

Talking about investments, I need/want a waterproof bag, preferably the one from Hyper Gear. 10 Litre is enough I think. Need a shoe bag, to keep them shoes obviously. Any kind philanthropist out there that would want to give me a Christmas present? I definitely have a long list of items if you are out there.

Am excited for the indoor tournament coming soon. It will be my first time playing together in a team though. I hope I won't disappoint them. Would definitely feel bad if I dragged the team down.

Langkawi next year, I hope for it to be bomb! Got my hands on those cheap tickets, already a sign that it will be a bomb. Come on team! We can do this alright?

Anyways, how are you, old friend? You seem like you are doing fine. But if you ever need any help, I still got your back alright. Just do not not hesitate to find me if you ever need my help. And one more thing, I want to be your friend. But please give me some time. When I am ready, I will definitely approach you back again. I need to get over some stuff going on in me. Please wait. You are too dear of a friend for me to lose you.

And also, its great bumping into you once in a while. Forgive me for being shy to say hi. I just needed to iron out some stuff. But I am all good now. Will definitely say hi the next we bump into each other alright.

Tips to help

First of all, learn to communicate through discrete signs with your partner. I forgot who was it that is the same group with you. Second, because you only have one friend there, be selfish when you ask questions. Just ask things like, 'Candidate C, what is your opinion' 'Candidate A, do you agree with me?'. Never ask your friend if they have anything to talk. This might back fire if your friend has nothing. It is ok to ask to those that are not your friends. Third of all, in part A, just utilise all your time. Don't stop talking until you are asked to stop. If you ran out of points, give many examples. When you are finding for points, just start with points, the examples can come when you are speaking. Forth, when they are presenting, try your best to write down their points in Part A. In Part B, try to not use back your points in Part A. You can use other candidates points in Part A. Never say I agree with Candidate A's points in part A. Assume Part A and Part B are different things. For part B, take the initiative to start the discussion. You can make a basic introduction. Good morning to everybody, today we will be discussing about "insert topic here". I truly believe/agree/think that..... Take the initiative to make a conclusion too. Simple one like, after a long discussion, we have all come to agree with...or half of us is with....and the other half....things like that. Just describe the conclusion. Describe your situation after the discussion. When the discussion comes to a standstill and everyone agrees with the same point, initiate a new discussion by first raising your opinion on a new point, then ask the other candidates about their opinion on the new point. Discuss why it is good, but not the best, something like that. At the moment, this is what is on the top of my head. If you need any more help, you know how to contact me.

Under the radar

On Wednesday, my car got hit, I felt terrible and I really wanted to talk to somebody. Thinking that what you said on Wednesday morning, maybe I could just talk to you about it and be slightly cheered up with it. But I was wrong, you were out and your friend answered and was rude with me. And you were treating me differently with your friends. You were treating me coldly and then with on text, it was clear its 2 completely different person. And with you promising me to go out on Thursday earlier, and only to be broken. I thought you just wanted to rest and stuff but I was wrong again. You went out with your friends, and was invited after I asked. I felt that it was not fair and that your signals are confusing. I felt furious. And when confronted on Thursday, you were giving me terrible excuses. When I poured my heart out, I saw that you were crying. And you left quickly. How can I contain and hold myself when I see you crying? I just had to figure out what was wrong. I know I did it the wrong way, I pulled you and pushed you into my car. And I accidentally hit you, I am terribly sorry with that.

I really wanted to talk to you, but you were always with you yourself. What about me? Have you thought of my feelings? Breaking up with me at like 3 am before my finals? Have you maybe thought of how you were saying we are friends and that you promised me to not ignore me, but what happened? What about the talk on Wednesday morning? What about the sharing of your assignments with me? You are being evil, leading me on with mixed and confusing signals. Have you ever thought about how that would make me feel? And the fact that even Smoothy got replaced in the blink of an eye? Have you tried considering my feelings? Or even just trying to understand my feelings?

Its ok now, I have said I will give you your time. Time to do whatever you want to do. I will try my level best to not find you for sometime. I will try to be under the radar. I hope, I can have all the answers to all my questions. Then maybe, it would not have been so hard.

Clock strikes 12

I remember, we used to talk on the phone every night. Random chit chats talking about everything, be it they make sense or not. We used to laugh all the time, even when you are angry at me, I make you laugh again. Even when we used to argue, I always try to settle everything in that night and make you smile back. Sometimes, we were so deep into our conversation, I do not hear the clock striking 12.

Today, we barely talk. Not even on text or personal message. Its funny how I was somebody to you, and in just a matter of days, I became nobody. Not sure if it was days or hours, or something longer or shorter. No matter how hard I tried, it still is hard to let go. I wanna hear you laugh again, see you smile once more. I miss the times we were together. I miss the smiling you. I miss listening to you laughing. I miss everything about us. And most of all, I miss you. I know time has past and it cannot be turned back, but how I always wished I can just go back to the past, and just slap myself and reminding myself not to do stupid things I did.

Today, its hard to even just meet you. To hug you, or hold you. I barely get replies from you and I have to try very hard to just get a reply from you. Always am rejected from you, from going out with you or even just talking to you; on the phone or text. I have to beg you, and pray hard you had a good day. It hurts me all the more when the clock strikes 12 now.

Decision made

After about a year making the decision of leaving my Form 6 and disappear out of the radar, I have realised one thing. It is my regrets of leaving my Form 6 prematurely. If I did not leave it, I would be doing my degree now. Waking up early everyday at 5.30 is honestly, killing me. With the crazy duration for travel, it is really pushing me to my limits of unending rests. Every moment spent sleeping feels like heaven. And with the recent Jamboree, I went into the 'sasau' mode in just the blink of an eye. Gosh the words that I blabbered out whilst being in that mode, I seriously should stop going to HFC. Few more weeks till the end of my foundation studies.....cant wait!

Train Ride to Sun Rise

Never even in my right state of mind would I have though that I would have a blog update like this. Let me start of with the title. Some of you might have known that I am currently in UTAR, Petaling Jaya Campus. I basically travel back and forth from Kajang to uni. Journey takes bout an hour and 20 minutes or so. So basically if my class starts at 8, I have to get my butt to the KTM station by 6.30 no matter what. So yeah, thus the title.

Regret?

So I decided to quit from Form 6. I know, I know. Most of you would be like, "Why? Why now? 3 more months left only what? Why not just continue it?" My answer? Not so sure why. Just don't like being in Form 6 I guess. And the friends there, no words could describe them. Teachers were marvelous. No sarcasm intended. They were really good and tries their best to make sure I study and stuff. Very cool teachers. I have learnt a lot from them. But something was just wrong for me. I guess my mind was just not in Form 6. Physics is getting tougher for me, maybe my heart is just not in physics anymore.

Right now, I plan to take up Foundation in Business and a Degree in either Banking&Finance or Finance. Honestly, I am not sure if they choice I made was right or wrong. Have I regretted making this choice to stop pursuing my Form 6? Maybe. Will I regret making this decision in the future? Definitely, I have always shown a deep interest in Science ever since young. I would miss Science somewhere along the road and start cursing at myself to take away what I like....

Keeping it alive =)

Hey there my blog readers which I doubt of their existence, so am updating the blog here just to keep it going and alive. Thus, the title. Random, I know So, I have just done one presentation the other day. Not feeling so good about it. I could have done better, but I guess my nervousness took a better of me. Prepared that small joke in my mind, but forgot to use it to impress the examiners. Let's just hope the marks given are pretty good. Like maybe getting 17 out of 20 would be good. Ok, I know, that is too much to ask for. But come on, humans are greedy alright. Alright, got to run now. Not literally of course, too fat and unmotivated to go for long runs. Dinner is served!

Seriously?!

So as some of you may know already. I actually have hyper-hydrosis. Its a symptom where your palms, feet and occasionally your armpit produces water. The amount of water produced varies according to individuals. Have already been living with it ever since I was born. And everyone have never stopped discriminating me ever since. Like what? I understand if you guys are like my friends that I just made and stuff. But even those that has already known me for a good 6 months and so? Even my own childhood friends are having a hard time to accept me cause of this. Its not fair. I mean, you can accept it when your lover is the one with it but not a friend who can be there always for you? Not like I ever discriminated any of you. Everyone has their own short-comings. Including you yourself! Keep that in mind yo! One day, I will just start discriminating you and alienating you just what you did to me. Just so that you could feel what I went through. Then, seriously? Why bother talking bout me at my back? Gosh, if you can't take a joke or two in your life, I seriously feel sad for you. So you are not happy with me just cause I rubbed my victory into your face? Come on, grow up could you? How old are you? You think you are still 8? Plus, if you don't like the way I do things and express myself, say it in my face yo! Getting bored of these people. Don't like the way I express myself then just say it to me, why bother talking about it behind my back. It only reflects back how mature you are actually.

Right.....

Sunday was pretty fun =) Other than the fact that I almost got killed by Simon who charged in to the room, everything else went pretty well =) Went over to Vivien's aunt's for some house warming thing. She just shifted in. Had some pretty cool and nice steamboat and stuff. The fellowship there is fun. Probably something I don't get often in my family. You know how when you said something wrong and even though that person has already forgiven you, you still feel the need to continue saying sorry? Yeah, you need to stop that cause saying sorry does not cure anything. It also only keeps on reminding that person of what happened. You need to stop saying sorry and start proving it yo!! So yeah, school is tough, as usual. Getting lazier and lazier. Got full mark for Maths test 1 but flunked Test 2. Was so careless>< Gahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Life is hard, but it't worth holding on

Hair Cut?

Today was pretty much a normal day. Just that, I had to drive my brother out for a haircut. Just imagine him with the same hair style as me. Yeah, that's about it to describe how it looks like. XD This week is pretty alright for me. Studies are getting tougher and tougher by day, as expected. Homework given are of a crazy amount and they are potentially lethal. One bite, and you're gone. Anyhow, tomorrow would be Area Competition. All the best to the AC1 squad this year =) let's just hope they would do better than last year. So, question for you guys who reads this thing I call blog. Tomorrow, I am going over to my girlfriend's aunt't house for some house warming thingy thing. It's sort of my first time to meet her whole family and I am very nervous bout it. Should I leave early? Or stay as long as I could? Your comments and suggestions are very appreciated =D

I won't give up on our relationship, I hope you would not as well. I Love You Baby Girl.

Just another post

Alright, so 2012 has passed. New year, new beginning, new story, new this, new that. So I was reading back this blog and all I could do was just to laugh. Man, was I emo as hell or what? Almost all of my posts were all about me emoing and complaining like a little girl. And the way I typed, the way I put words into my sentences and the way I think. So different! Ok, maybe I still think like last time. But you get what I mean. Updates on my current life, got into Form 6 and am suffering in that hell. Or torture room, whichever you prefer calling it. Advice, do not take up Form 6. I repeat, DO NOT TAKE UP FORM 6. Tough as hell, and boring as hell. Nothing else could best describe it other than that sentence. Then, am involved in a relationship right now with Vivien Lee See Yuin. The sweetest girl ever =) I mean, who would stay up with you till 5 am in the morning talking stupid things? And on top of that, not having enough of sleep for like the past few weeks? By the way, she looks like this =) There, enjoy this short as hell update from me =) Will try my best to update more often. For now, adieu I bid to you

Just felt like it

Felt like blogging thus this random post out of no where =) Lesson of the day, know where you stand at. This phrase applies in both ways. Almost tripped this morning in school cause was not looking at where I was walking on. Clumsy me, as usual. Yeah, I know, who am I right. We just friends. I have no rights to stop you right. But come on, if I don't get jealous from this, I truly am stupid. Yes, I do go out with girls, but you don't see me going out with girls, alone, watching late movies and driving alone with her. Nevermind.....like I said, know where I stand right

Sacrifices

Why you can sacrifice your game when you are out with them and not sacrifice your game when you are going out with me? Hey, come on. I know you longer and better than them. What am I to you? Just a tool for you to use me? To drive you around when you need to go somewhere and accompany you when you are lonely? Is that how you see me? If that is how you see me, I guess our friendship really is nothing. This just makes me lose hope on humanity.

Not Really a Great Day

Today, is not a great day at all. It all started with me not wearing formal to church. Its like WTF? I am carrying the offertory but me no wear formal. Then, made some mistakes in AV. An avoidable mistake if only I checked it. If only I confirmed my doubt about that. Grrrrrrrrr.....I so the suck as AV member.

Then came class. It went on as usual. Just that this time I is had to run around the church finding for people to get some stuff. Went back to class only when it almost end. Some what, I like that class for it reminds me of my good times. Missing those times though right now.

Then went for Frisbee. Mr Greg stepped on my toe and it still hurts till now. Hurts like nobody's business I tell you. Went for Starbucks with Russell, Varna, Ashmeer and Afiq after that. Had a good laugh and a good drink there. Accidentally took a wrong drink though.

Came back home and chat with someone. Thought this person would be different. Thought this person would try to continue the conversation. But I guess I am wrong. Maybe I am just too easy with trusting people. Maybe I really should just shut my heart out from everyone and everything just like how I used to.

Better stop my emo rant here. Though this is the only place I have to vent out my emo-ness

Way of The Cross

So today started with the youths cutting palms for Palm Sunday. Its as usual, always fun filled when spending time with the youths no matter who and under what condition. It was supposed to start at 9 but you know, Malaysian timing la peeps. Ended pretty late la, 1 plus nearing 2. And me being a gastric patient smartly take my first meal of the day at 2. Gastric almost killed me. Came back home and slept like a little pig, or maybe a huge pig.

Then went to church at 6.30 cause I was supposed to carry the cross for the procession from the hall to the church. It hurts. That's all I could say bout carrying the cross. While walking from the hall to the church, I sort of understand how Jesus felt. With the eyes of many looking at him and mocking at him, I felt the same way as well. I mean, they do not mock me and stuff. But it feels kind of embarrassing cause I am sure they would be thinking what the heck am I doing holding the gigantic cross? Trying to be Jesus here? Stuff like that. Hahaha.

But, what I wanted to say is. Now I understand the hardship that Jesus has to undergo just to die for us. I mean, die for us wei. He has to go through all this pain just to die for us. Get what I am trying to say here? Yes, I know that my little 'way of the cross' was not exactly like Jesus' , but its almost there.

Enemies? Friends? Oh well

Somehow, I came across this phrase a lot of times this week. It goes something like this, 'Be careful of not your enemies in front of you, but friends who hugs you and talks behind your back'.

Have to agree with this, I mean yes I know I do have a few enemies here and there for some what not lame excuse. But, I also do now know that I have a few friends who hug me and yet still talk bad bout me at my back. I honestly did not figure out its him and that he would do that to me though. But its alright, I understand. Maybe I am just not good enough or cool enough to be your friends. Its ok, I will move on. Don't have to miss me ok.

Yes, its true I have lost a few friends here and there. But look at the bright side, I now know who are my real friends. Or so I think at least for now. Hahahaha. So long for now, byebye~

Of Manga and Prawns

So I was reading this particular manga and a few scenes actually touched me. And I cried. Yes I know I cry easily, but this only the second manga that actually made my cry. Maybe because I can relate with this manga pretty well, thus the tears dropping like waterfall. There was this part where the hero's friends were all there for him. They pretty much stayed together strong as friends no matter what happened. They never actually leave out anyone in any of their plans. That was what that actually touched me though. I mean I haven't found any friends like that just yet. So I got no idea what it would feel like to have friends like that.

Then I was eating prawns. Its rare for me to eat them unless they are peeled. I am partially lazy and also allergic to the shell. It just suddenly reminded me of when Compassion Walk. Had seafood after everything as dinner with the LnL gangs. I mean that time was the time when I was so down and low, even lower than the ground, they were there for me to talk with me and cheer me up. So I guess the phrase 'You win some, you lose some' do apply here, ey?

Alright, I am off to do the dishes now. So long

Oh what a beautiful Sunday

Today, like all the other Sundays, I is has to go to Church early in the morning. Yada yada yada, went back home and had lunch!! Mom prepared groundnuts soup! Oh yeah!!!! Had a power nap, or so it should be. Went out for shoe hunting and reached for frisbee late by 40 minutes. Yes, I know I'm slow. Not my fault alright, I is gots a weird shoe size ok><

And now I am all worn out from frisbee. Hahahaha. Got scolded for driving the car out for frisbee. Aduiiiii, you don't like it means tell me earlier lo