Welcoming in the new year

A year has passed. There was definitely a lot of bittersweet experience and if given a chance to go through it again the exact same way, I would kindly decline that offer. I mean, who would want to put themselves through chicken pox for 2 times? Not me definitely.

All jokes aside, 2015 was definitely a humbling and a learning year for me. It had taught me so much. I have learnt to control my temper especially with my mom. We had a talk as well. A long one. And I hope this helped to iron out our issues.

To say I am any different from the previous year, I think I am still the same. But to say that I have learnt nothing and not grow, now that is a lie. Definitely have grown a little. But how much have I grown? Well that is for you guys to tell me. I think...

Well, to close this short one off, 2015 good bye and, 2016, come what may, I am ready.

Quick Breather

Finally some quiet and free time for myself. But, finals are in 2 weeks time. And my paper has to end just 2 days before Christmas. There goes my last paper. Hahaha. Assignments are getting to my head and I will have the toughest weekend to come. 2 days Frisbee Hat and followed by a crazy long assignment to audit. And also a skype call session for French practice. I am so not gonna sleep on Sunday night.

Other than all these academic stuff, been doing quite well myself. Frisbee has been great. I guess I still need more time and practices as I still have a lot of room for improvements. Need to understand them plays more and definitely need to increase my stamina. And also am considering seriously to invest in a pair of gloves to increase grip. Discs been slipping out like mad from my hands. Especially high discs. And am in need of a new water tumbler. Thought of getting those Coleman ones that everyone are using. Cause it can double up as a small stool. LOL! Not sure which to get first, cause my bottle is a goner already.

Talking about investments, I need/want a waterproof bag, preferably the one from Hyper Gear. 10 Litre is enough I think. Need a shoe bag, to keep them shoes obviously. Any kind philanthropist out there that would want to give me a Christmas present? I definitely have a long list of items if you are out there.

Am excited for the indoor tournament coming soon. It will be my first time playing together in a team though. I hope I won't disappoint them. Would definitely feel bad if I dragged the team down.

Langkawi next year, I hope for it to be bomb! Got my hands on those cheap tickets, already a sign that it will be a bomb. Come on team! We can do this alright?

Anyways, how are you, old friend? You seem like you are doing fine. But if you ever need any help, I still got your back alright. Just do not not hesitate to find me if you ever need my help. And one more thing, I want to be your friend. But please give me some time. When I am ready, I will definitely approach you back again. I need to get over some stuff going on in me. Please wait. You are too dear of a friend for me to lose you.

And also, its great bumping into you once in a while. Forgive me for being shy to say hi. I just needed to iron out some stuff. But I am all good now. Will definitely say hi the next we bump into each other alright.

Tips to help

First of all, learn to communicate through discrete signs with your partner. I forgot who was it that is the same group with you. Second, because you only have one friend there, be selfish when you ask questions. Just ask things like, 'Candidate C, what is your opinion' 'Candidate A, do you agree with me?'. Never ask your friend if they have anything to talk. This might back fire if your friend has nothing. It is ok to ask to those that are not your friends. Third of all, in part A, just utilise all your time. Don't stop talking until you are asked to stop. If you ran out of points, give many examples. When you are finding for points, just start with points, the examples can come when you are speaking. Forth, when they are presenting, try your best to write down their points in Part A. In Part B, try to not use back your points in Part A. You can use other candidates points in Part A. Never say I agree with Candidate A's points in part A. Assume Part A and Part B are different things. For part B, take the initiative to start the discussion. You can make a basic introduction. Good morning to everybody, today we will be discussing about "insert topic here". I truly believe/agree/think that..... Take the initiative to make a conclusion too. Simple one like, after a long discussion, we have all come to agree with...or half of us is with....and the other half....things like that. Just describe the conclusion. Describe your situation after the discussion. When the discussion comes to a standstill and everyone agrees with the same point, initiate a new discussion by first raising your opinion on a new point, then ask the other candidates about their opinion on the new point. Discuss why it is good, but not the best, something like that. At the moment, this is what is on the top of my head. If you need any more help, you know how to contact me.

Under the radar

On Wednesday, my car got hit, I felt terrible and I really wanted to talk to somebody. Thinking that what you said on Wednesday morning, maybe I could just talk to you about it and be slightly cheered up with it. But I was wrong, you were out and your friend answered and was rude with me. And you were treating me differently with your friends. You were treating me coldly and then with on text, it was clear its 2 completely different person. And with you promising me to go out on Thursday earlier, and only to be broken. I thought you just wanted to rest and stuff but I was wrong again. You went out with your friends, and was invited after I asked. I felt that it was not fair and that your signals are confusing. I felt furious. And when confronted on Thursday, you were giving me terrible excuses. When I poured my heart out, I saw that you were crying. And you left quickly. How can I contain and hold myself when I see you crying? I just had to figure out what was wrong. I know I did it the wrong way, I pulled you and pushed you into my car. And I accidentally hit you, I am terribly sorry with that.

I really wanted to talk to you, but you were always with you yourself. What about me? Have you thought of my feelings? Breaking up with me at like 3 am before my finals? Have you maybe thought of how you were saying we are friends and that you promised me to not ignore me, but what happened? What about the talk on Wednesday morning? What about the sharing of your assignments with me? You are being evil, leading me on with mixed and confusing signals. Have you ever thought about how that would make me feel? And the fact that even Smoothy got replaced in the blink of an eye? Have you tried considering my feelings? Or even just trying to understand my feelings?

Its ok now, I have said I will give you your time. Time to do whatever you want to do. I will try my level best to not find you for sometime. I will try to be under the radar. I hope, I can have all the answers to all my questions. Then maybe, it would not have been so hard.

Clock strikes 12

I remember, we used to talk on the phone every night. Random chit chats talking about everything, be it they make sense or not. We used to laugh all the time, even when you are angry at me, I make you laugh again. Even when we used to argue, I always try to settle everything in that night and make you smile back. Sometimes, we were so deep into our conversation, I do not hear the clock striking 12.

Today, we barely talk. Not even on text or personal message. Its funny how I was somebody to you, and in just a matter of days, I became nobody. Not sure if it was days or hours, or something longer or shorter. No matter how hard I tried, it still is hard to let go. I wanna hear you laugh again, see you smile once more. I miss the times we were together. I miss the smiling you. I miss listening to you laughing. I miss everything about us. And most of all, I miss you. I know time has past and it cannot be turned back, but how I always wished I can just go back to the past, and just slap myself and reminding myself not to do stupid things I did.

Today, its hard to even just meet you. To hug you, or hold you. I barely get replies from you and I have to try very hard to just get a reply from you. Always am rejected from you, from going out with you or even just talking to you; on the phone or text. I have to beg you, and pray hard you had a good day. It hurts me all the more when the clock strikes 12 now.

Decision made

After about a year making the decision of leaving my Form 6 and disappear out of the radar, I have realised one thing. It is my regrets of leaving my Form 6 prematurely. If I did not leave it, I would be doing my degree now. Waking up early everyday at 5.30 is honestly, killing me. With the crazy duration for travel, it is really pushing me to my limits of unending rests. Every moment spent sleeping feels like heaven. And with the recent Jamboree, I went into the 'sasau' mode in just the blink of an eye. Gosh the words that I blabbered out whilst being in that mode, I seriously should stop going to HFC. Few more weeks till the end of my foundation studies.....cant wait!

Train Ride to Sun Rise

Never even in my right state of mind would I have though that I would have a blog update like this. Let me start of with the title. Some of you might have known that I am currently in UTAR, Petaling Jaya Campus. I basically travel back and forth from Kajang to uni. Journey takes bout an hour and 20 minutes or so. So basically if my class starts at 8, I have to get my butt to the KTM station by 6.30 no matter what. So yeah, thus the title.